“A Marriage Story” – An ugly and accurate depiction of divorce litigation

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I wrote the following article several years ago and was reminded of it again while watching the moving “A Marriage Story.” Watching Laura Dern’s character (Nora) manipulate Scarlett Johansson’s character (Nicole) was extremely uncomfortable. She exhibited a trait that I have, unfortunately, witnessed of colleagues throughout my career, maternalism/paternalism. All too often, divorce lawyers take a paternalistic/maternalistic approach toward their clients and act as if they know what is best for their clients. Nora never really listened to Nicole, she heard bits and pieces of what she was saying and took control; she decided what she believed was best for...

06 January

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“Rules Of Thumb” Have No Place In Divorce and Family Law Mediation

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New Jersey divorce settlement approaches

For many years, judges, lawyers and mediators have referred to a fictional “rule of thumb” for determining alimony. In mediations, many clients have told me that their lawyer said this is the way alimony is calculated. In recent years, there has been a great deal of discussion about a new “rule of thumb” for calculating alimony now that alimony is no longer taxable. CLE presenters generally begin presentations on this topic with a disclaimer that there is no case, statute, or rule which establishes a formula for calculating alimony. Yet, it seems that everyone in the family law community, including...

21 August

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4 Ways to Control the Cost of Divorce

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An old and rather trite joke goes like this: “Why is divorce so expensive?” Answer: “Because it’s worth it.” While the punchline may not be appreciated or humorous to some, there is an ounce of honesty in any joke, even this one. Because the truth is, whether it was a mutual decision, or the decision was made for you, when divorce is the only option, divorce really is the only option....

30 July

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Divorce Rates And Why Living Together Could Increase Chances Of Ending Up In Family Court

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According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 1, divorce rates in New Jersey are among the lowest nationwide. With the exception of people over the age of 50, who are getting divorced more often than younger couples, divorce rates in New Jersey have continued to drop over the last five years. 2 Overall, statistics reveal that divorce rates have declined over the past 10 years or so, but still almost 40% of all marriages end in divorce....

17 July

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“Splitopia”-I have that!

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by Bruce P. Matez, Esq., APM I was recently referred by a mental health professional to read a book called “Splitopia”. While searching for it, I came across a website established by the author, Wendy Paris. While I haven’t had a chance to read the book yet, I read her article, Happily Ever, After We Split in the NY Times. I am lucky that I have...

03 July

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5 Common Mistakes People Make When Divorcing

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Spouses who are considering divorce, are beginning the divorce process, or are in the process of divorcing, often begin to plan for the divorce and take actions that quickly derail settlement discussions, negotiations, mediation and the collaborative process. Sometimes they take such actions as a result of advice from counsel. The following are five common mistakes people make when divorcing which most often wreak havoc on the divorce process, cause unnecessary tension and mistrust, and make it very difficult to reach a resolution....

29 November

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The Art of Forgiveness in Divorce

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By: Bruce P. Matez, Esq., APM I spend most of my days with couples who are divorcing in mediation sessions, clients in the process of divorcing or who are divorced and continue to have ongoing disputes with their former spouses, and with couples who are seeking alternative ways to resolve disputes. One of the major themes I have found in working with such people over the past almost 30 years has been the astonishing inability to forgive and let go. Sadly, that inability is one of the major reasons why I believe divorce is so expensive and why people spend so...